Heroin Chic

You love me

In my silence

With my twirling thumbs

And swollen lips

Which sting from biting

But you don't love me

When I pick at my cuticles until they bleed

Or as I bite my cheek until my mouth fills with blood

Or when I clench my fists so hard

I leave crescent-shaped indents in my hand

That darken throughout the day

You love me

With my frail hair trucked away in a pony

With a delicate wrist just a touch away from breaking

With my waist bruised and battered from sucking in all day

But not

When i'm sweaty and flushed

And throwing up the one meal I ate in the last two days

Not when my hair snaps in your fist

And my teeth yellow from the acid reflux

You love me

When I lean on you

When I am too weak to open drinks

Or snap open cans

When I am dizzy

And I tell you that not eating is normal for me

But you don't

When my hands pale

And the skin around my eyes darken

When my nails snap

And my lips become chapped

You love me

When I listen to sad songs all day

And force myself to smile

No matter how odd it may seem

When I thank you for sticking around

But you don't

When I have to cover my wrists and thighs

Or when I break things in anger

When the sadness seeps too deep

And I spend days in bed

In the same outfit I wore two weeks ago

And even I must admit

My comfort starving

Looks so prettier than my binging

Or worst of all my purging

These constant calorie calculations

Look best when paired with big blank doe eyes

So when I begin to fail

There is nothing you can do

Except watch

And I guess I don't look pretty enough

To watch as I collapse